Not Always Respectful
Our newsletter last month was titled All About Respect. But what if it’s not.
A character in a book is described as a thirty-five-year-old African-American man standing six foot six and every bit of three hundred pounds. He tells a colleague that when school officials at his kids’ school first meet him, all they see is a potential football coach.
Why was the character in the book thought to be an ideal football coach—because of his physical build, his race, or both? Likely someone made an assumption about him—stereotyped him.
Stereotypes are fixed and inflexible notions, unconscious biases which are part of our everyday thinking. They are generalizations based on misconceptions or errors in judgment. And when we assign them to a group, we've stereotyped the entire group.
Even positive stereotypes are disrespectful because they block our ability to look at people individually and recognize their uniqueness.
Think about a time when someone made an assumption about you. Ask yourself how it made you feel. Did it make you feel respected? Probably not because stereotypical generalizations tend to not be respectful.
Stereotypes can damage relationships and create communication barriers. Imagine the following conversation between our six-foot tall character when he’s asked by his son’s gym teacher if he’s interested in volunteering as an assistant football coach. He answers, “I’ve never even watched a football game.” Awkward.
So where do they come from, these assumptions and stereotypes? They come from of our socialization, the way we learn to perceive our world, to interact with others, to act in certain circumstances, the rules and expectations, and what is defined as good and bad. The socialization process allows a group or society to create members whose behaviors, desires and goals correspond to those deemed appropriate and desirable by that group.
And keep in mind that we are all members of many different social groups, all of which have their own rules, expectations and cultures.
Stereotypes, however, can give way to prejudice—those rigidly held, unfavorable attitudes, beliefs and feelings about members of a group—groups other than our own. These unreasonable biases or opinions are often formed before the facts are known and can lead to suspicion, intolerance, conflict and worse further damaging interpersonal relationship and communication. This isn’t good for the workplace nor for society.
So, how do we get back to respect?
It starts with you. Make the commitment to engage in respectful behavior.
Be curious
Discern between facts and fiction
Listen to opposing viewpoints
Be open to changing ideas
Commit to sharing your ideas with others
Our differences are what make us unique and interesting. Start a conversation that provokes understanding and celebrates our differences. If you need some prompts to do so, The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book has plenty of ideas.