The Fine Art of Listening

Did you ever take a course in listening? There are courses and workshops in reading, writing and making presentations, but listening gets overlooked.  And yet listening is such an important part of communication.

–Barbara Mitchell

If you've been following us long enough you've heard us both talk about the importance of listening and the lack of courses on it. I recently came across an interesting lesson on listening in an unsuspecting place. Mike Kimmel in his book 50 Secrets Nobody Tells You in Hollywood, offers interesting and refreshing advice to actors about active listening. All his tips are applicable to any meeting or conversation.

Mike shares with his readers how many actors don't pay enough attention to their scene partners lines of dialogue. They're just sitting back waiting for their turn to talk.  Sound familiar? They look like hungry lions waiting to pounce. We have referred to this as listening with your mouth open.

Just like in acting, any conversation is always a give and take. And an important component of good acting or good conversation is reacting. You have to be fully engaged. You have to listen, absorb, and be fully affected by the words of the other character or individual.

When you're in a conversation or a meeting, think like an actor. Allow yourself the luxury of becoming fully affected by, and immersed in, the words and the efforts of other people in the scene, i.e. in the meaning. Allow every word they speak to fully sink in and affect you.

If you're having difficulty doing this, Mike suggests a technique. Make the other person, the one who is speaking, the most important person in the world to you at that moment—either positively or negatively. Make them the love of your life or a lifelong enemy. Hang on that persons’ every word. Listen for clues. Honor every beautiful gold nugget of speech and body language they offer. Notice everything. Soak up every drop of their dialogue and every subtle gesture—facial expressions, body language, tone of voice—and retain it.

It’s not enough to merely read Mike’s advice or this blog post. You’ve got to practice, like you practice any other skill. Active listening is intentional. It requires total focus, being fully present in the moment, being grounded, and being connected.

To succeed at active listening you have to be fully committed by giving the people you are listening to your one hundred percent undivided attention. If you have difficulty doing this, consider what gets in your way. Is it distractions by external noise or other people or cell phones buzzing? You can control those distractions. No excuses. If there are cultural or language barriers, take time and ask for clarification. Put the same amount of energy and enthusiasm into listening as you do to talking.

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway.

Special thanks to Mike Kimmel for letting us share his secret about “Mastering the Fine Art of Listening.” Pick up a copy of 50 Secrets Nobody Tells You in Hollywood. It’s entertaining and filled with more lessons we can all use.