Value of Listening in Mentoring
In order to succeed as a mentor, you have to be a good listener. Listening plays a critical role in mentoring. It is essential for understanding the needs of the mentee as well as clarifying their goals.
Noted business author, John C. Maxwell said, “True mentoring is a conversation, not a lecture.” He is so right.
Becoming a good mentor isn’t easy. Some mentors think their role is to be the “smartest person in the room” and share their vast knowledge with their mentee. To be a good mentor, you must learn to keep quiet and let the mentee share. And this means a good mentor must learn to be a good listener.
Keep in mind that listening is not waiting for your turn to talk. As a mentor, it is important for you to focus on your mentee and their needs. How else will you provide them with what they need to succeed?
One of the best ways to be a good listener is to use something called active listening. It is a powerful way to capture the entire message the speaker is attempting to convey. Active listening encourages the other person to talk while you, as the listener, focuses your attention on what is said and, in some cases, not said.
If I had to pick the most important skill a mentor needs to have, it would be active listening. Here’s how it works in the mentor/mentee relationship:
As the mentee is talking, the mentor focuses their attention on what is being said by asking clarifying questions and listening intently to the answers shared.
The mentor encourages the mentee to share information by using quiet prompts such as a smile, a nod, or a raised eyebrow.
The mentor uses probes that allows the mentee to clarify information that may have been misunderstood.
Using probes helps to move the conversation forward. Examples of simple probing techniques include:
The mentor uses words or phrases including yes, I see, that’s interesting, or tell me more to encourage the mentee to continue to share their thoughts.
The mentor paraphrases what the mentee has said by asking questions such as what I heard you say was… or it sounds like what you said was…
Active listening means making a deliberate effort to understand what the mentee’s message is from their point of view. It means the mentor needs to pay attention to verbal and non-verbal signals, Mentors should get comfortable making eye contact with mentees to help develop their working relationship.
As you develop your relationship with your mentee, improving your listening skills—especially your active listening abilities—will enable you to be a more effective mentor.
For an additional resource, we’ve devoted a chapter entitled “Listen Up!” in The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook to listening techniques, because active listening is such an important skill.